Be there:

Listen to your friend. Let your friend know you care and that you will be there whether s/he stays in the relationship or leaves.

Acknowledge the abuse:

Let your friend know that name-calling, put-downs, mind games, the silent treatment, telling someone what to wear or who to be with are forms of abuse just as much as pushing, shoving hitting and unwanted sexual touch. Ask your friend things like: "Do you feel safe?" "Does the relationship help you feel good about yourself?" "Are you getting the closeness you from your boyfriend or girlfriend?"

Assess the danger:

Ask if your friend's boyfriend or girlfriend has access to a weapon, uses alcohol or drugs, has ever been violent with another person, has threatened to hurt him/herself or others, or has unpredictable outbursts. If you are worried that your friend or their girl/boyfriend's life is in danger, contact an adult you trust immediately.

Remind your friend of her/his strengths:

Talk to your friend about the things you like about her/him and the things s/he does well. Let your friend know you have confidence in their ability to make good decisions.

Identify options and resources:

Let your friend now about agencies, adults, and friends who can help. Help your friend think about what s/he can do the next time s/he gets scared of the abuser.

Emphasize that the abuse is not your friend's fault:

Tell your friend that no matter what s/he has done, s/he is not to blame for the abuse. The only person responsible for the abuse is the person who is abusive. Help your friend recognize the abuser's excuses, which may include:

She/he may blame alcohol. Tell your friend that even though the abuser
may have a drinking problem, alcohol does not cause him/her to be violent.

The abuser may say s/he just loses control. Explain that abuse is not being out of
control, it is controlling behavior.

The abuser may blame your friend for provoking the abuse. Help your friend see
that her/his words or actions do not justify violence or abuse.

The abuser may have told your friend that s/he wouldn't be violently possessive
or jealous unless s/he loved him/her. Let your friend know that jealousy and
possessiveness do not equal love.

Respect your friend's decision:

If your friend decides to stay in the relationship, say things like: "I am worried that you are not safe. I know that you have to do what you think is best. I just want to let you know the things that scare me about you staying in the relationship."

Keep yourself safe:

Supporting a friend who is being abused can be very draining. Take care of yourself and get the support you need to be a friend. Be sure to keep yourself physically safe from the person abusing your friend.