FOR PARENTS: WHAT NOT TO DO IF YOUR TEEN IS ABUSED
Don’t ignore your child or say you’ll only support them if s/he gets out of the abusive relationship:
Don’t put down the abuser:
Don’t tell your child that her/his boy/girlfriend is a terrible person. Instead, talk about how you think relationships in general should or shouldn’t be. Remember, your child cares about their boy/girlfriend – bad mouthing the partner will most likely lead your child to stop talking to you about the relationship.
Don’t talk to your child about the abuse in front of her/his boyfriend or girlfriend:
It may not be safe for your child to talk about the abuse in front of her/his partner. Don’t talk to the boy/girlfriend about the abuse AT ALL without your child’s permission.
Don’t put your child down for being in an abusive relationship:
Don’t say things like, “I can’t believe you’re stupid enough to stay with someone like this!”
Don’t tell your child what to do:
This may make your teenager afraid to disappoint or anger you. The abuser is already trying to control her/him. You don’t want to try to control your child as well. This just reinforces their role as a victim.
Don’t blame your child:
Don’t ask your child what s/he did to provoke the abuser. This will only reinforce any feelings of self-blame that your child may already have and make it harder to expect the abuser to take responsibility for the violence.
Don’t tell your child s/he has made a bad decision:
Your child is the only one who can decide what is best for her/him and what s/he is ready and able to do. Your child probably has a lot of doubts about her/his ability to make good choices. You don’t want to make it worse. You also don’t want your child to stop talking to you because s/he is afraid you won’t approve of what s/he has decided.
Don’t try to physically protect or rescue your child:
Abusive relationships can be very dangerous. You can’t help your child if you put yourself in danger or get so involved that you lose your perspective too.
Adapted from: “Building Strong, Safe Relationships: a dating violence prevention curriculum for high school students.”
